Being a Leader but Not a Dictator

The brightest minds are not always the most compassionate or caring among us. Children who think quickly and draw conclusions that generally are accurate may believe that their answer will always be seen as the best option available. The problem is, in cooperative learning situations, where compromise is necessary and there may be multiple methods to solve a problem, the gifted child may display anger and frustration if his or her solution is rejected.

Ruby Payne, author of an really eye-opening book called Emotional Poverty (2018), https://www.ahaprocess.com/store/emotional-poverty-book/  explains that the brain responds to emotions many times faster than it does to reason. As  children mature, their prefrontal cortex will begin to regulate the limbic system and its emotional responses to stimuli in the environment. They don’t have the “melt-downs” they had at two if they learn that throwing a fit doesn’t get them what they want.

No matter how brilliant your child is, he or she will respond to feelings faster than he or she will understand why a decision was made. I remind you, Mom, that you are training a brain in addition to raising a child. One of the things children have to learn is that there is more than one way to do something and the way they want to do it may not be the only way, or even the best way. Here is a good book to help you train that child’s brain:

You want your child to be a natural leader? Remember, a leader is someone who has the ability to inspire others to follow them. A good leader can trigger a positive emotional response in others.  People like leaders. They trust leaders. It rarely is intelligence that inspires that admiration and trust. It is a kind of charisma, a likeability, that makes others want to be with the leader.

If your child is a domineering personality and tries to force others to do things his way, if he or she is bossy and demanding, they are not being a leader. They are becoming a dictator. Gender bias causes girls who have leadership ability to often be seen as bossy. This book is an interesting read for parents of bright girls:

You may wonder if highly gifted children can also be leaders. The rare, highly creative gifted child is less likely to fit society’s mold of acceptable leadership traits. These personalities may appear more dictatorial, and prefer to work alone rather than be part of a collaborative team. You are not raising a child in a bubble, even if you home school them. An introverted child or a child that is resistant to group dynamics can still be highly successful and creative. With your help, Mom, they can be effective leaders as well. Here are some inspirational examples of leaders whose leadership styles fell outside the norm:

Helping your child reach their potential, whether academically, socially, or as a leader is not an easy accomplishment. There is not one trick that works for every child. What I know from my experience as a mom, grandmother, and educator is that the social and emotional part of parenting is even more important to children’s future success than their academic enrichment. A child that is confident and secure is more likely to become a leader than one that is insecure. A gifted child can act like a dictator because he or she feels threatened by the popularity of another child. They may try to force others to like them, which is seldom a successful strategy.

I think this book is a good all around resource for helping your bright child develop a positive self image. Reading it and following its recommendations may help your child become a good leader.

I encourage you to comment or email me at DrEllen@williamsed.com if you would like to discuss how I can help you parent your gifted child. Have a great 4th of July!

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