Goodbye from Gifted Child Mom

After a year of family illness and the uncertainty of public education in the age of COVID, I have decided to shut down this blog and focus my attention on a different topic.

Gifted education is my area of expertise and my true passion, but not enough interest has been shown to justify keeping this blog going. If you are a gifted child mom and would like support or have questions, please email me at I am here and always willing to talk about how to maximize your child’s school experiences and his social and emotional well-being. Be happy!

Photo by Tiago Lino on

COVID-19 and Anxiety in Gifted Children | National Association for Gifted Children

While gifted individuals are no more anxious than the general population, these uncertain times can cause anxiety and worry, especially when there are fewer intellectual pursuits in a day. With school closures and social distancing, it is important to help children develop a sense of purpose that can guide them as they deal with the unknown.
— Read on

Preparing for Gifted and Talented Assessments

This time of year, public schools are conducting testing to identify children to participate in the gifted program. The school may contact you for permission to test your child; however, parents have the right to request testing, whether the school noticed characteristics of giftedness or not. Introverted personalities, cultural differences, and poverty may “mask”, or hide, a child’s intelligence and creativity from teachers who are not adequately trained in identifying gifted characteristics.

There is not one definition of Giftedness. After 35 years in education, I prefer the concept of elementary children showing “high potential”, and secondary students demonstrating “achievement” in an area or subject. In adults, giftedness is considered as a level of eminence, like Picasso was a gifted artist or Einstein was a gifted physicist.

I understand that all children have potential and I believe all children can learn at their own rate. I also believe that some children’s brain have thicker myelin sheaths covering the nerve cell axons, or pathways, and that they can draw conclusions faster and make connections between ideas. The pathways in their brains seem somehow better wired. Of course, brain surgery or CT scans can not identify Giftedness. Instead, schools try their best to use a battery of ability, achievement, and subjective tools like observation inventories to find children who need additional enrichment.

Giftedness isn’t racially or culturally exclusive. Giftedness benefits from nurture, but nurture doesn’t create giftedness. An eminent parent thinks their kids have to be gifted, but they may be frustratingly average. On the other end of the scale, a child from a family with few material resources may have a brilliant mind that craves originality and problems to solve.

Some parents see gifted education as elitist. If it is in your district, the program is flawed. The demographics of a gifted program should be similar to the demographics of the school. Upper class white kids should not be the only ones identified as gifted.

Do you think your child is gifted, you should ask to have them tested. But first, gather your evidence.

What is your child passionate about? Does he collect anything or constantly talk about a particular topic?

Does your child prefer older friends or adults to others his/her own age?

Is your child highly empathetic or worry about world events like hunger or natural disasters? Does he/she think up ways to address the problem?

Does your child have an advanced knowledge- like reading Harry Potter in first grade or divide and multiply without being formally taught? Some children begin reading independently in kindergarten and use an advanced vocabulary.

Does your child have an advanced sense of humor (perhaps inappropriate) for his/her age?

Does your child have a near photographic memory? Does he tell you who gave him a specific birthday gift a year later? Does she remember a conversation from more than a year ago in minute detail? Or does he/she suddenly tell you facts about something they read or saw in TV that you did not ever know they knew? A real encyclopedia of trivia? They might be gifted.

How smart is gifted? Ability tests aren’t perfect and may be biased, but statistically, a score of 130 is two standard deviations above the average ability score of 100. Scores around 130 are in the gifted range. Most tests have a top score of 150, but intelligence may be much higher. The exact number doesn’t matter. It is a range.

But ability is not the only component schools are looking for. The tests are adjusted for age. Kids change fast and their brains do too. A child that is five years and three months old is scored differently from one that is five years and six months old.

Schools also test for a superior achievement compared to their grade level peers. Reading and math are standard, but some districts test in other subjects too. They are looking for scores above the 90th percentile for their grade level.

Children who have limited resources and have not been exposed to lots of enrichment may score lower on these tests, so observational inventories by a teacher or parent may provide another perspective. A strong sense of fairness, a great verbal storyteller, a persistence in learning about things they care about are all things gifted kids may display that cannot he measures in another way.

Contact your school counselor and find out about your district’s testing and program options.

You can contact me if you need more information on gifted children and how to parent them.

Advice for parents

After several requests, I have set up a parenting service for parents who need advice that is personalized for their child. You can hire me here:

Back to School Anxiety

It is that time of year again. Back to school puts children through a lot of emotions. Some of them can be intense. Anxiety for mothers is also a real problem this time of year. There are financial worries about new clothes and supplies, but the highest anxiety often comes from worrying about your child’s new teacher. Will the teacher be too strict, too lenient, or heaven forbid, not a good teacher at all? Some studies show that children that endure a year with a poor quality teacher in first, second, or third grade have gaps in their learning that can impact their achievement in middle school and beyond.

Teacher turnover causes parents to worry that the “new” teacher may not have the skills to teach their child well. Some studies show that in this age of accountability, rigorous evaluations can weed out weaker teachers, allowing the principal to bring in better or more enthusiastic teachers. Read one related study here:

Gifted children may continue to make straight A’s with a teacher that has not been trained on meeting their academic needs, but over time, without proper differentiation, the compliant gifted child may give up their thirst for knowledge and by third grade, be on the same level as an average ability child. Even worse, a gifted child with a stronger, more dominant personality may become a behavior problem when they are not challenged. An unruly gifted child that is challenged in their area of interest is often so engaged in learning that the behavior problems seem to disappear. Here is a research article about gifted children and behavior:

Even more than finding the right teacher, resilience in gifted children is impacted by the family in which it is raised. Read a really good study about the impact of the family on the academic, social and emotional development if a gifted child here:

If you are interested in reducing your anxiety as a gifted child mom, you may want to keep a journal that tracks your parenting and your child’s gifted milestones. Reflecting on your parenting strategies and reading current research can help you consciously adjust the way you interact with your child, hopefully reducing both your child’s and your own anxiety. You can get one here!
Start the school year off right and keep your anxiety in check for your own happiness and your child’s well being.


Discussing Mass Shootings with Children

After this weekend’s shootings, many parents are wondering how or if they should try to explain the impossible- why do gunmen shoot people? For children with high anxiety or are highly empathetic, hearing that a child died in El Paso can trigger fear. They may not want to go shopping for back to school at all.

An interesting Twitter discussion I read this morning emphasized that the news media calls white shooters mentally disturbed, but “brown” shooter are terrorists, and black shooters are gang members or are probably drug users


I also found this chart that indicates that mass shooting 1.) should not just be the random ones, but any shooting, however motivates, that occurs with 4 or more victims, and 2.) defy racial or religious classification.

Although I have recommended it before, please consider reading this excellent book about strategies to deal with angry or violent children. If you are a teacher or a parent, it is a helpful resource. The book can also be bought directly from aha! Process, here: .

The best advice I can give you is to listen to your children, be empathetic without enabling their fears, and hug them. Telling children you love them is the most powerful thing you can do to reduce their anxiety.